Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
