I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
