So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
