Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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