i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
