I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
