So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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