I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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