and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just googled if crying burns calories
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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