Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
