i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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