Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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