I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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