That's intense
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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