Pants 0. Shit 1.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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