ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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