A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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