We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Randomize
