Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
