I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
