Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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