There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
