saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
