how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
