Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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