I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
