I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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