Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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