you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
