No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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