5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
