in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
