Just mADE A PArabola og urine
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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