...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
