Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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