saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
