So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
