i permit you to call me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why is there bacon in the couch?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
