I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
