miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
