I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
