You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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