i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
