I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
