My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
