I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
there is puke in my bra ... again
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