how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
