I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
