Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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