i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
