according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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