I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
